It is now the middle of the night, and we are shown up to the children's floor.  Here I am, my two month old baby in my arms, going into the hospital.  It just wasn't right.  We get upstairs, and are put into this tiny little room, just big enough for a bed and a crib.  The crib looks like a cage.  I put her in it, raise the sides and collapse onto the pull-out chair next to her cage.

 

I have no idea what is going on anymore.  I had taken such good care of myself while I was pregnant.  You see, I have diabetes, so I measured and weighed every bit of food that went into my mouth.  I didn't eat junk food.  I didn't take my medication for bi-polar disorder.  I sat up all that first night wracking my brain trying to think what it was I had done to make my baby sick.  I mean, I hadn't even gotten to know her yet, and now maybe I never would...

 

The tests started immediately.  Unlike alot of parents, I was not worried about the tests.  I wanted them to run every test they had and do it NOW!!!!  I am a great fan of the scientific method.  I had supreme confidence the doctor's would run some tests and give us a diagnosis; send us home with a bottle of medication and that would be that.   At this point, I wasn't even worried about Ellie's floppiness.  Never having been a Mom before, what did I know?  Newborns are all rag dolls, right?  We were all focused on the seizures.  Nurses came and took Ellie away for blood work and a spinal tap.  Genetic testing for Down's syndrome, spinal menegitis and other terrifying diseases was done.  All of this in a "treatment room" right across the hall from our hospital room.  So, I got to hear all of Ellie's screams.  It was the worst two hours of my life, up to that point.

 

The next day, we met Dr. Maria Gieron.

 

She came in the afternoon, after Ellie and I had slept off the stress of the night before.  Of course, all Ellie did then was sleep, but I didn't know this wasn't normal.  Dr. Gieron examined Ellie, and the first thing she asked was, "Is she always this floppy?". 

 

"Floppy?", I wondered,  "My baby is having seizures. What the hell has floppy got to do with anything?    Of course she's floppy!  She's a newborn".  She was a month and a half old then, and had no neck tone at all.  Apparently, this isn't normal.

 

Dr. Gieron pulled Ellie up by her arms and let her flop down.  Ellie barely woke up.  I assumed it was the phenobarbital they'd given her, but I think Dr. Gieron already had an idea what was going on.  She ordered an EEG, which came back only slightly abnormal.  All of Ellie's blood work came back normal.  Everything tested normal, but obviously something was wrong with my baby.  It was the first time in my life I lost faith in science.  We were sent home with Ellie on phenobarbital.